Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. When people attempt to forge relationships with each other they won’t always agree on everything they want or should do. When these situations occur they must effectively address the conflict or over time they will drift farther and farther apart. How both of you handle these situations will mean everything to the quality of your relationship. While I believe that an evenly yoked relationship where both spouses believe in Jesus has the best chance of surviving, if you are not able to handle conflict effectively, you won’t make it. For other relationships, the challenge is the same, but even more challenging.

You’ll see that my picture above looks almost the same as my “What direction is your relationship going in?” picture. The reason is simple. Everything in that picture applies to this one as well. Both people bring things into the relationship that impact their ability to resolve conflict. Things you are aware of and many things you may not be aware of. When there’s conflict that’s when these things arise either consciously or unconsciously. If you find yourself right now in a relationship where you’re having trouble resolving conflict, first look inside and see what you may be contributing to the process. It’s very easy to point at and blame the other person, but it takes two people to have a healthy relationship and that means you need to be healthy. What may you need to improve or learn to work through these most challenging growth opportunities? I believe that I truly met and forged my relationship with God as I engaged in this process.

What helps for you to do:

  • Listening
  • Reflecting back what your spouse says
  • Continuing to pursue even with push back
  • Forgiving and giving grace
  • Keeping God at the center
  • Thinking of your spouse, not just yourself
  • Being aware of what’s happening in your own heart (responding to a $10 issue with a $10 response)
  • Acting out of love rather than fear
  • Understanding your past and how it supports the items above

What hurts for you to do:

  • Lying
  • Yelling
  • Calling names, hitting or being abusive
  • Being defensive
  • Being passive aggressive (saying you will do something and not doing it or doing it very slowly)
  • Not listening
    Thinking of only yourself
  • Being unaware of what’s happening in your heart (giving a $100 response to a $10 issue)
  • Acting out of fear rather than love
  • Understanding your past and how it supports the items above

You may be in an unhealthy relationship and thinking that you need to leave or you may be unhappy and thinking that you need to leave. If you are being abused, and your spouse is out of control, by all means you need to take action, but if it’s just hard and difficult you should persevere and continue to work on yourself and your relationship with God. Your spouse should not be the center of your life. Your relationship with God should be at the center. If you work towards improving your relationship with God, that will move you in the right direction.  If you both move closer to God you’ll move closer to each other. In this way you’ll be able to most effectively reflect the love of God to each other and to the world.